Friday, December 31, 2010

A unexpected moment of sorrow in the last few hours of 2010......

I guess overall I have been very lucky - I had gone through 37 years of life before losing someone close to me, but this year I lost 2, my grandmother and my cousin.  2010 was full of loss and sorrow, so as I sat with friends earlier this evening, I was happy to be saying goodbye to a crappy year.  We had a great evening, with great company and good food - we did an early countdown at 10pm, so we could all get home and put the kids to bed. 
I was walking home (it's a beautiful night) with hubby and the kids when it dawned on me that I will be moving onto a new year, and 2 people I loved won't.  That really hit me hard - and unexpectedly.  It doesn't make sense, they stopped existing the minute they died, but for some reason as I sit here in the last few minutes of 2010, I feel like I am leaving my 2 loved ones behind.  I am moving onto a new year that they won't have existed in.  They existed in 2010, and they won't have ever existed in 2011.  The magnitude of my loss just hit me in a new I am suddenly not so eager to say goodbye to 2010, because that is the last year they lived.... that is where they will always live....and I have to move on.  I feel like I am leaving them behind.
So, I will say goodbye to the last year where they were both alive and step into a new one.  I will count my blessings and be grateful for the friends and family who step into this new year with me.  I hope that 2011 will be kind.

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